i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
