just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize