I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize