She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
