She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
