youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
