I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
