I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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