I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
