Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
