Swine flu is the new snow day.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's always time for handjobs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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