Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
