I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
