i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize