We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
