My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he was CRYING into my vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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