butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
