Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I look better un-naked...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
