normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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