remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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