My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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