And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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