I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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