He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
