fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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