Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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