Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
