And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude. I can hear the air.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
