theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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