mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
