dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
