dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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