Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
