You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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