White coat. Heels.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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