sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
