I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
