Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
