Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
