no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
