I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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