Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
