He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
