Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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