just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
