Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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