I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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