Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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