what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
