just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You need a sexual gate keeper
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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