he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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