woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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