around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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