You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
