come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
