Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
