go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
two words: eviction party
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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