It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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