you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Mom said you looked used
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
