Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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