I wanna bring you to show and tell
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
