I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
