I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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