I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
