Dual....:-)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize