What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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