remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm passing your future prison.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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