Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
